A very familiar sense of déjà vu is in the air. One of my childhood friends is getting married this week, to a man I have never ever heard of, that too in another town. Yes, we are friends, but not the share everything types, so it’s very likely that our paths may not cross again that very often in the future.
I am at that awkward age where everyone is getting married and having children (I’m forever buying wedding and baby gifts), and those same people in later communications would urge me to get married soon because I was turning so old. Aaaaaggghh! Is there no end to this? Will there ever be an end to this? You know what would be cool? Being 45 or so and everyone giving up hopes of you ever getting married and finally, finally being able to relax.
Does that mean I want to stay single the rest of my life? Of course not! So does that mean I am in a predatory mode? Far from it. Am I looking to trap some hapless innocent man into marriage? God forbid. But sometimes I despair, yes I despair that I will never find a man stupid enough to accept me just the way I am and want to jump off a cliff with me. I despair that I will be that old unmarried aunt who gets passed around from family to family, sleeping in some small corner and depending on charity. I despair that I will have to live with rude nieces and nephews (and their children) who show me no respect. I despair that I will live a terribly lonely life.
What I’m really afraid of, I guess, is the thought of having to listen to “When are you getting married” “You too should get married” and such related questions. Ho-hum. The living alone part I can handle, being an old unmarried aunt is something I’ve excelled at since birth, and I am confident I can earn a living to feed myself.
So what’s this post really about then? I don’t know, maybe just a little something to help overcome this too familiar feeling of loss and despair and gloom. Maybe I’m fishing for your sympathy. Maybe the thought of going home and finding all my friends gone is frightening. Maybe I felt the need to write something new after bombarding you with picture posts the last few days.