Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Home, maybe?

Okay. Here we go again. Another summer day has come and gone away in Paris and Rome. But I want to go home. Seriously I do. I am surrounded by a million people, but I still feel so alone. Yes I do. Let me go home, I'm just too far from where everyone is and I want to go home. And I feel just like I'm living someone else’s life. Like this is not my real life, that my life hasn’t yet begun, that the last three decades were just a rehearsal, an audition, a test to prepare myself for reality.

Maybe I'm tired of being a stranger, an outsider, an alien. Maybe I just want the sense of security that a parent provides, maybe I'm tired of being a grown up and want to be a kid again, if only for a while, and tired of being responsible and making decisions and giving out advice. Maybe I just want to listen, and do what I'm told without much care in the world.

Maybe I'm willing to risk the claustrophobia that will soon set in, the endless questions from nosy neighbours, the embarrassment of being an unmarried woman, the whispers caused as a result of deliberate absence from church and community activities, the astronomically high cost of living and the ridiculously expensive clothes,  the unchristian materialism and the unholy race to keep up with everyone else, I could go on and on.

But, the lovely sunsets, the clear mountain air and waters, the laughter of children, the wrinkled face of my grandmother, and all the travelling that I plan to do.

Maybe I'm just missing my mother.


15 comments:

  1. Blog a ka kawmen a tirah a lang reng a, a hnuah a bo zel maw le. Mak lutuk, hei pawh hi ka kawmen reng si a.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This one is clearly visible to the naked eye.

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Well, having lived in India before, I'm sure you know that summer over here is between April and June, sometimes July. And if you are lucky March is infernally hot in some of the hot years, and July through September is wet, wet, wet.

      Delete
    2. Does hot weather means summer? akekekeke

      Delete
  3. Reading through your lovely, kinda sad, reflective thoughts, I was a little taken aback at your readers' flippant comments. I don't know every detail of your life but as someone who's lost both parents (and grandparents), I'd say take a year's leave or something and come live with your folks while they're still around. Trust me, you won't regret it. Personally, what I give to have a parent taking up all the decision-making in the family again, sigh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I've been planning on taking a long leave since forever, but you know how it is. You wait for the right time and that time never comes. The best thing is to just pack and leave, I guess. And having lived half my life away from home, I don't know many of my relatives at all, and I want to take the time to know them, maybe travel a bit and visit everyone. And the thought of going home and being "pangchang" for the first few weeks :P at least until the novelty wears off and I become the general handyman again.

      Delete
  4. Lunglen pel rakin kan awm tawh a nih hi. :-) Lunglen te chu chaw ei puar loh vang mai mai a lawm.

    Wish what I've said was true. :-( There are times when I almost give up and give in. But here I am, still hanging on. This life sucks, may be the other one is better... Hope Jesus saves a spot for me in Heaven, but I sinned too much. I regret to be born but it's not my will...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Emo viau teh suh. Yes, the secret is to hang on, no matter what happens.

      Delete
  5. Have a happy life, where ever you choose to live.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well yes happiness is what really matters, above all things.

      Delete
  6. we need to take our resposibilities as a precious gift or blessing for being an adult ...... hope you too can take it..

    nice lines you've made... loved it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well sometimes you just want to sit back and let other people (read parents)do the hard stuff. But yeah you should not make it become a habit.

      Delete
  7. Khawi khuaah pawh awmin khawi ram changkang eltiangah pawh awm ila, kan rilru zawng zawng awmna hmun leh lung tilengtu ber chu Zoram leh mahni khua nge nge hi a lo ni thin. Tuna i chenna khuaa mipui a maka maka tam chenna leh zik huai huaina khan i khawhar leh lunglen a hnem zo lo kha a mak lo, kan pian kan seilenna, kan ram neih ve chhun, Zoram hi chu Zoram nge nge a lo ni e. Kei pawh zirna avanga phai lama ka awm ve lawp lawp lai khan kawtthler lun leh mawi tak tak, building ropui tak takte ai chuan Zoram lama kan kawtkai kha ka thlahlel zawk.......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A ram tak khi chu ka ngai em em pawh a ni lo (vawt si, chep si, thil man to si). Mahse thiante leh chhungte awmna a nih vangin a chhia a chhia hian a ngaih loh theih loh.

      Delete