Have I told you lately that I hate you? Have I told you there’s no else below you in the ladder of my favourites? You fill my life with darkness, take away all my sunshine, increase my troubles; that’s what you do.
Oh yes, if there’s one thing I hate, it’s definitely you. I hate, loathe, despise, abhor, dislike, detest you and anything to do with you. See, you have even made me run out of synonyms. I am quite the indecisive female but when it comes to hating you there are no second thoughts, my views are firm and concrete, my opinion unchanged. No one could make me change my mind on this one; I stand like a stone. Years may come and years may go, people may flit in and out of my life, but you will eternally remain my enemy number one.
Let me tell you a few reasons why you will never climb the charts:
1. You are cold and heartless
2. You make my skin dry and withered
3. You turn my days into nights
4. You terrorise me in my baths
5. You make me wear layers of clothing like a refugee
6. You urge me to make New Year resolutions which you know very well I will not keep
7. You push me out to crowded market places where I am surrounded by thousands of smelly feet
8. You are cold and uncaring
9. You make my lips chapped
10. You make me dress up and go out
11. You take great pleasure in reminding me that I am not getting any younger (but who is??)
12. You turn my fingers and toes into little frozen sticks
13. You make me buy shoes which I will wear only once
14. You remind me, more than ever, that I sleep all alone
15. You make it obligatory to go out and socialize with people I cannot stand
16. You make my bones numb
17. You are cold and merciless
Maybe I should run away from you, emigrate to Australia or some other country in the southern hemisphere and re-emigrate here some time in March, kind of like the birds. Come to think of it, don’t you think they have it awfully easy? The birds, I mean, not the Australians. They don’t have to worry about medical check-ups, global financial recession, wearing fashionable clothes, or ingrown toenails. The most they worried about would be some other birds stealing their eggs or occupying their nests. If they feel a chill in the air all they have to do is hold a community meeting and presto! off to warmer climes. And they all look out for each other, flying in V-shaped or such other formations so that everyone gets equal draught of air. They don’t sow, nor reap, yet the Lord provides for them.
Ok, back to the point. I hate you because you are cold and have turned me into a blathering birdbrain.