You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free.
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free.
Doesn’t that make you laugh? I did some Googling and came across a funny article posted in one e-newspaper, The Morning News. It said that while the song title says “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” Paul Simon listed out only five, and then proceeded to list out the other forty-five, and called it 45 Additional Ways
45. Push him out a tree, Bree
44. Feed her to a shark, Mark
43. Harvest his kidney, Cindy
42. Make him all porous, Doris
41. Feed him some ricin, Tyson
40. Get kvetchin,’ Gretchen
39. Chop off his organ, Morgan
38. Throw her down a gorge, George
37. Punch her with an awl, Paul
36. Fake your own death, Beth
35. Hire Chaz Palminteri, Mary
34. Don’t let her fool ‘ya, Julia
33. Drop an anvil on his dick, Chick
32. Toss him off the seventh story, Laurie
31. Pulp his scrotus, Otis
30. Bury her alive, Clive
29. Run him over with a trolley, Molly
28. Feed her to the capitalist sharks! Marx!
27. Make her write a will, Bill
26. Chisel off his knees, Louise
25. Switch to the whip, Chip
24. Give her a double-barreled hug, Doug
23. Bake him in a tureen, Doreen
22. Cement him in a well, Mel
21. Bump her off a ridge, Midge
20. Start erasin,’ Jason
19. Select her sister for a mate, Nate
18. Try to poke her mom, Tom
17. Slip her a mickey, Dickey
16. Make her whip corn, Rip Torn
15. Subtract a limb, Tim
14. Make it hard for him to piss, Kris
13. Set fire to his hair, Blair
12. Hit him with a mace, Chase
11. Cook her in a stew, Llew
10. Drown him off your yacht, Dot
9. Chomp on his penis, Enos
8. Fit her for a spear, Dear
7. Staple him to the bed, Fred
6. Drown him in the Seine
5. Smother her with malice, Alice
4. Drop him down the flue, Sue
3. Apply the hurt, Burt
2. Amputate daily, Haley
1. Change your name to Hannah, Diana
Funny, isn’t it?
Seek the help of a Voodoo, Aduh.
ReplyDelete:-)
Fart when he do, Aduh.
ReplyDelete:D
Sit on him and do the dew, Aduh.
ReplyDelete:P
Quit being slim, Kim
ReplyDeleteStart growing your hair, illusionaire
Become a hangman, Sandman
Can't think of anything witty, so will just comment on the song.Me, I've always liked the song, lyrically and musically. I like the way they roll the drums like 'military marching band'. Most appropiate Paul Simon song for me would be, 'Still Crazy After all These years'.Check out more of his song,I'm sure you will find the lyrics interesting.
ReplyDeleteStuff yourself with food, dr_feelgood.
ReplyDelete'Still Crazy After All These years'- it is sad and beautiful in a hopeless melancholic way. Good choice.
Screw up her mood, dr_feelgood.
ReplyDeletePack him off to Timbuktu, Aduh.
Treat her unfair, illusionaire
ReplyDeletevery funny!!! all very wicked ways..
ReplyDeletebut these make me wince..
31. Pulp his scrotus, Otis of course.. no.9..and 33 too..
so how do we make one porous?
ReplyDeleteTurn him into a fairy, diary.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea how to make one porous. Rub him with sandpaper? Soak him in alcohol? Maybe you should just tell him to be a florist, Doris.
You posted 52 posts last year, thats one a week :)
ReplyDeleteGet him screamed at by Daduhi, Aduhi
Hit her hard with your topee, OP.
ReplyDeleteYep, 52 posts last year. I made a conscious effort to do so, and I did it. And it feels good.
Give her uisa bai,Vai!
ReplyDelete# 5 Smother her with malice, Alice - is that supposed to suggest (1) that Alice smothers the competition, or (2) that Alice is a lesbian.. or just a plain genuine typo :))
ReplyDeleteOh forgot to add my contribution -
ReplyDeleteTell him you're preggie, Becky.
I think 43 would rhyme better with "Harvest her kidney, Sidney!"
ReplyDeleteAs for my contribution..
Bid him adieu, Aduh!
Hatch an evil plan, Sandman!
Kick him with a steel boot, feelgood!
Dress him up like a geisha, Jerusha!
Cause him extreme anxiety, Diary!
Hit her with a fusion flare, illusionaire!
Feed her to the stingrays, Blind Dayze!
Make her stairs all soapy, OP!
lol @ Black...good ones!
ReplyDeleteBehave like Tiger Woods, dr_feelgood
ReplyDeleteHook him up with Tanusha, Jerusha
Never change your bedspread, blackestred
@Jerusha - Yes Alice is a lesbian.
Just happen to love this song... :-)
ReplyDeleteMake him watch Hindi reruns of saas bahu, Aduh.
ReplyDeleteSprinkle pepper on her bed, Blackestred.
Look for an Iranian Shah, Jerusha.
Make love with Pedro, Alejandro.
Fill her shampoo with hot tar, OpaHmar.
Tell her you got AIDS, Blind Dayze.
Insist on going out in the nude, dr_feelgood.
Whenever he wants "it" recite the Hail Mary, Diary.
Mix her Curd with Turd, Burt...Ughh
ReplyDeleteI do do I do, Aduh
ReplyDeleteTranslation: "Ka duh duh ka ti ang, Aduh"
LOL
You're so high, you think you're in the air, illusionaire
Show her that you don't care, illusionaire
ReplyDeleteBe extremely rude, dr_feelgood
Walk around ina drunken haze, Blind Dayze
Stop being hot and fiery, diary
Leave her stranded at the bazaar, OpaHmar
Migrate to Yorkshire, Jerusha
Refuse to get wed, blackestred
Shack up with a ho, Alejendro
Elope with Laloo,Adooh.
ReplyDeleteMake her wash your underwear,Illusionaire.
Ask her to guess the colour of your underwear, Illusionaire
ReplyDeleteShow him the head of Medusa, Jerusha
Tell her she's made of wood, dr_feelgood
ReplyDeleteBecome a porn star, OpaHmar
hahaha, laughing at all the rhymies here..
ReplyDeletesprinkle cyanide in his zu, aduh,
chop off her head, blackestred,
carve up her face, blinddayze,
hang her from a revolving fan, sandman,
run her over with her car, OPA hmar,
slice her up good, dr_feelgood!